Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All the doctor said was why
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
