I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
