so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
