Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
