I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
