So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
