saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
