I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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