....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
