smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
