I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
