My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
