naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my poor anus
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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