when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
