I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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