i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
