ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You have to summon your inner elephant
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
