she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
