my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
