You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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