I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
