i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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