Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
