Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
