We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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