As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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