I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Bring me that man meat
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
