Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
