Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
