I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
