Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
