i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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