Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
