Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's shark week go big or go home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize