I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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