I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
