Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
