Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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