I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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