Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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