i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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