i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
