doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
