I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize