Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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