How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
