Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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