my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
