don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
