Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
