When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
