At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've blown a few things in my day
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize