What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
