would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
