anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
