Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize