I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
