I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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