...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
