He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Small penises have feelings too.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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