I think i peed on brittanys purse
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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