I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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