Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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