saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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