I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
