you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
