I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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