This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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