Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sarcasm needs its own font
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
