I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
