I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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