Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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