Just cropdusted the office
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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