To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
