I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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